I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Drunk is a universal language darling
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
