are you so shy because you have an std?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
it was like eating out sand paper
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
