Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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