I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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