I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Dick very happy bro
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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