i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
This is the high leading the old right now
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
