I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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