I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being pregnant is like rehab
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize