I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
