Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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