would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
