i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
