I think my fart just growled at me.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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