I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize