You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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