After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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