if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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