I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
