oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
