WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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