i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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