I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize