I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
