question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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