dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
