On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
