does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
