There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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