just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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