At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
