brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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