If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
