he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize