I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
