Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
