I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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