I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
