he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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