He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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