Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
