also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
