i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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