I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
