having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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