i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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