so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
