bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
