My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
It was confusing and full of hummus
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
