So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
