Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
so let's talk penis.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
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so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
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Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.