she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.