You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff