I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.