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I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I look better un-naked...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
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