Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
These 25 Drunks Shouldâ€™ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didnâ€™t Know What They Were Getting In To
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.