I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
