You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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