My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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