It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
