i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
