i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
