I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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