i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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