man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
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I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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