Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
