I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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