Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
