My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
