I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
this is an emotional support booty call
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
