some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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