Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
