His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
