The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
