guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
