so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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