you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
